Forrest Gump didn’t fight in the Vietnam War for us to have to go to school tomorrow smh
Lieutenant Dan didn’t lose his legs on a field of battle for me to have to wake up in the morning and go to school
i prefer girls with the natural look. no makeup, never gotten a haircut, covered in dirt, feeding off of berries and raw fish in the wild, are actually bears.
tips to write college papers
- begin with “buckle your seatbelts, motherfuckers, because in eight short pages i am going to learn u a thing that i only learned myself about two hours ago, so sit down, shut up, and enjoy the experience of my 4-am-redbull-induced-self-hatred-fuelled-writing-extravaganza”
- erase when finished with the paper
My pre-calc teacher got kicked out of the movies once for yelling out diving scores during Titanic as people jumped off the boat.
next time you go to accuse a teenage girl of overreacting remember that when a bunch of elderly white men couldn’t agree on something, they shut down the government
today at work a little girl and her dad came through my line and she picked up two things of altoids and she was like “daddy let’s get the same flavor! so when you’re in afghanistan i can eat mine and you can eat yours and we can be together!” and me and my cashier just stood there like DON’T CRY DON’T FUCKING CRY DON’T BE A BABY AND FUCKING CRY
and then they left and we fucking wailed like children
I JUST SAW A GUY AT WALMART AND HE LOOKED LIKE MORGAN FREEMAN AND HE CAUGHT ME LOOKING AT HIM AND HE POINTED AT ME AND SAID “IM NOT MORGAN FREEMAN”